101 Ways Marauders annoy Voldemort
by ubetchaimhot
Summary: 101 ways the Marauders would annoy Voldemort if they snuck into his mansion undercover. Peter is not in this one. The Marauders create chaos. Caution: involves flying projectiles and wands breaking and weird music. A collection of one-shots.
1. List

**AN: I was in the mood for having people being annoyed and I found all of these awesome songs that I'm totally rocking out to so I wrote this to have something to do while listening to them besides dancing. Please read and review:**

If the Marauders (minus Peter because he wouldn't work in this) went undercover at Voldemort's mansion they would:

1. Set off dung bombs everywhere

2. Sing insulting songs about Voldemort

3. Talk in a made up language when they were asked questions

4. Ask about coloring poodle fur for possible missions

5. Taking all pictures of Voldemort then drawing mustaches and goatees on them

6. When in meetings start clucking like a chicken with the wings and everything

7. Singing Britney Spears at the top of their lungs during missions

8. Smile non-stop and talk about ponies and rainbows

9. Add character to his room but putting on pink wall paper

10. Redecorate the house with flowers and pictures of cute puppies and cats

11. Play the song Barbie Girl by Aqua non-stop for a week

12. Remove the door from Voldemorts room so he can no longer have privacy

13. Color all of the maps and evil plans with pretty pictures in exploding ink

14. Write on Voldemorts hand and forgot that they were using exploding ink

15. "Accidentally" leave an irremovable swamp in Voldemort's room

16. Give Voldemort a present of chocolates filled with a love potion to make him fall in love with Bellatrix Lestrange

17. Play strip-poker in Voldemort's room with the rest of the death eaters and not tell him

18. For Valentines give Voldemort love note from Lucius Malfoy

19. Wake Voldemort up at 4 in the morning just to tell him "Good Morning!"

20. While trying to perform the dark mark turn everyone into circus animals

21. Give his pet snake a make over and offer to do Voldemort next

22. Give Voldemort a make over while he's sleeping and blame it on the cat

23. Clean the house with holy water so everything is pure

24. Get rid of the bad smells by sparing perfume everywhere

25. Put Voldemort's snake in a carriage with a baby bonnet and push it around the house

26. Mock Voldemort when he evilly laughs

27. Charm Voldemort's voice so it's really squeaky when he laughs evilly

28. Call him Voldy or Voldessa

29. Dress up like him for Halloween in a horrible impression of him

30. Ask him why he always dresses up for Halloween everyday when it's once a year

31. Then dress him up as a princess and go trick or treating

32. Then in the middle of the night scare everyone to an almost-early-grave

33. Give him brochures on facial surgery

34. When he is angry make him go take a time out in the sparkle corner

35. While he's in time out talk about mani-cures with the death eaters

36. Forget that he's in time out and leave him all day

37. Take all of the new plans and maps and cut them up into puzzle pieces

38. Forget which puzzle pieces go together

39. Then put all of the wrong ones together

40. Run around his house as "Captain Underwear" (costume and all)

41. Forget to shave their legs when they are "Captain Underwear"

42. Steal all of Voldemort's clothes and turn them into little girly clothing

43. For a meeting make everyone drinks that are really potions

44. Then say that you might had accidentally got them wrong

45. Make dinner for everyone and it would be squid, fish, and snake intestines

46. Tell Voldemort after he's had dinner that his snake was the main course

47. Protect the house by putting up big signs saying that "Voldemort Is Here!" in big bright flashing lights

48. Make the port key go to the Bahamas when it was suppose to go Hogsmead

49. Announce that "His' or Her's Girly Greatness is entering" when he is trying to sneak into a room

50. Put pink fluff on his broom stick

51. Make the pink fluff sticky because they accidentally spilled juice on it

52. Then forget to tell him so he is stuck to his broom

53. Act like his mother and grandmother

54. When acting like his mother/grandmother come to his Death Eater meetings and scold him for being so mean and baby him

55. When acting like his mother/grandmother bake Christmas cookies and sing Christmas carols

56. "Girl up" and "lighten up" his home with a "mother's touch"

57. Celebrate Valentines Day everyday

58. Make him go to World Peace conventions

59. Make him go to anger management classes

60. When he comes home from anger management classes sing "Jesus loves the little children"

61. Then sing "When the Saints go marching in" when sent into a battle field

62. Constantly talk about the baseball team called the Saints

63. During Christmas sing "Hark the Angels sing"

64. "Christmas-fy" his house

65. Ask if he's related to the Muppets

66. Insist he's related to the Muppets

67. Turn him into a Muppet

68. Offer him a the spiciest pepper in the world and not tell him how spicy it is

69. Before mess with the plumbing so there is no water for him to drink

70. Sing the Pussycat Doll's "Don't Cha" then ask for his hand in marriage

71. At his rejection say, "But I thought you were gay…"

72. Just when he is about to kill someone they stop everything and pull out their camera and group up together with him saying, "Smile this can go into our scrapbook of 'Happy Sunny Days'!"

73. Reenact the Ice Age (the actually time not the movie)

74. Reenact the Six Sense

75. Reenact Star Wars

76. Reenact the movie Care Bears

77. Have much fun with reenactments

78. Don't tell him about the reenactments and make them seem like reality

79. At a party spike the punch and only let him drink it

80. Throw him a Dumbledore themed birthday

81. Take many pictures of him with the flash at his birthday

82. Take pictures of him drooling in his sleep and post them on mySpace

83. Set him up on a date with Umbridge

84. For Christmas get him ponies and Polly Pockets

85. Put a TV in his room and have chick-flick love sick movies playing 24/7

86. Talk in text or IM terms all of the time

87. Make baby pictures of him on photo shop

88. Show everyone the baby pictures at just the right moment

89. Start a food fight

90. Throw pies at his face

91. Put all of their gum under the tables

92. Then ask him to look under the table

93. Feed him Baby Gerber food

94. Play Pro wrestling with him

95. Have a tickling war

96. Break his wand

97. Scream at the top of their lungs at 4 in the morning

98. Have a national Dumbledore holiday

99. Break his wand

100. Go on a shopping spree

101. Do all of these in 1 day

**AN: Please review. **


	2. Dung Bombs

AN: I've decided to write scenes about each of the marauders pranks and the reactions. So here is the first one. Please read and review!

1. Set off dung bombs everywhere…

"Sirius, did you get them ready in the really big net?" James asked.

"Yep, and when this string is pulled they come crashing down on old Voldy-poo." Sirius said smiling and jumping up and down like a child.

"Okay now I'm going to get Remus to distract him and when I say go you pull the string, okay?"

"Got it, mate," he said grinning.

"Hey, I never agreed to this," Remus said, "Why do I have to talk to him?"  
"You just do. Now go out at distract," James said as he pushed Remus out into Voldemort.

"What do you want," Voldemort sneered.

"Um…Oh yah…Can you come look at this spot on the rug. It moves and I don't know what to do about it," Remus said as he pulled Voldemort under the net of dung bombs.

"Hmm… what spot…do you mean that…"

Just then James yelled to Sirius an the net flew open as Remus stepped out of the way and the dung bombs came crashing down on Voldemort and all you could hear was his cries of anger. Then James and Sirius stepped out.

"Dang, Dark Lord, you stink," James said holding his nose.

"Ugh, that is just awful," Sirius, said playing along, "Looks like Malfoy is up to his old tricks again."

"How dare you!" He screamed.

"What you don't think that we had anything to do with this," Remus said looking innocently at Voldemort. And with that they ran away leaving Voldemort in his anguish.

"Those boys! They are lucky that my wand is cover is dung bomb remains or they would be dead!"

**AN: Tell me what you think. I wasn't really sure about these. Just trying to think to add on cause it brings me joy. Please review and I'll update more if you want. **


	3. Singing to Voldy

AN: I was thinking to put up another one. Please tell me if you like theses or don't. Thanks.

2. Sing insulting songs about Voldemort

"Ready, set, go!" James commanded like a conductor would.

"Old Voldy-poo! He looks like a snake but don't let that fool you. He is really just a human as you. He is evil and afraid of old men. Babies can defeat him and he has no chance at dating. He is bald and green. Many scream when they see his ugly face," the Marauders' voices sang from a tape player, "He could be a girl. But no one knows his gender. Because he is old Voldy-poo!"

"What the heck is this!?" Voldemort screamed as he walked out of the hall and to the tape recorder, " Avada Kedavra (AN: Sorry about my spelling I didn't feel like looking it up)!" But the tape recorder did not stop. "Why won't that infernal thing stop! Malfoy get in here!"

"What my lord?" Lucius Malfoy said bowing.

"Stop that noise!" Malfoy tried a few spells but nothing worked to stop it. They tried everything, jumping on it, hexing it, throwing it out the window but it just kept coming back. Finally, it stopped when they threw it into the fire.

"I bet it was _those boys,_ I am going to hurt them!" Voldemort roared.

"But sir…"

"What!" He snarled.

"Uh… well when you threw that thing into the fire you threw your wand as well…"

AN: Tell me what you think. Review please. Thanks.


	4. Nonsense

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling does**

3. Talk in a made up language when they are asked questions.

With Voldemort currently going over his new plan to dominate the world the Marauders were citing in the back getting ready for their next prank.

"Do you think that you boys can do that," Voldemort said to the Marauders in a slow voice.

"Fi li jag quey xui pyoi garoaya," James replied _(translation: Yah we can voldy-poo). _**(AN: That was not a real language so don't try to translate it on some cite completely made up)**

"Scazy rak lo fo ghouw zoas," Sirius said _(translation: What do you think we are? Stupid?)_.

"Yi fioa kad woie jieo aosi tiso," Remus said _(Well, it takes one to know one and we can)_.

"What! Do you not know how to speak English? I know that you are not babies so please talk in a normal language or I will kill you," Voldemort screamed, "Now what the address of the house that you found for the safe house?"

"Gaieo liwa giro gjieow vfiod alk vbida jadi," James said _(translation: uh, we didn't find one so too bad for you!)_.

"Oh you are going to get it now!" Voldemort then reached for his wand but found that it was not there, "Where is my wand!"

"Eai tiro sfoi eort koiuyt fidu," James said _(translation: Gee, I don't know why are you looking at me?)_.

"Wiad tyia quai basd apdia," Remus said _(translation: Because you are the one that took it so he wouldn't kill us!)_.

"Ruaie dajri wioruw coia moa no," Sirius said _(Ha! Look at his face it is turning red.)_.

"Oh when I get my wand back you three are so dead!" And with that Voldemort stormed out of the room.

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	5. Poodle Fur

**AN: Here is another one.**

4. Ask about coloring poodle fur for possible missions…

"Okay now for the next mission we have go to-" Voldemort said.

"Color poodle fur!" James interrupted.

"No, we are-" Voldemort began again.

"Oh pretty please, with a cherry on top!" Sirius said with puppy dog eyes.

"BE QUIET! Now-" Again he was cut off.

"Come on it would be so much fun. It would totally foul everyone!" Remus said. Voldemort just sat there scowling at them and you could feel the anger radiating off of him.

"I think that's a yes!" James stood up excitedly and rolled out the blue prints for the plan, "Oh and Sirius go get an egg to crack on Voldy's head. I feel like fried eggs."

**AN: Please Review!**


	6. Markers

5. Taking all of the pictures of Voldemort then drawing mustaches and goatees on them.

"Shh!" James said as they crept along Voldemort's and his follower's homes with black expo markers.

"Who died and made you boss," Sirius asked.

"Well, considering that you have stepped on every squeaky thing in the house," Remus whispered, "Someone had to tell you to shut up!"

"Well, I'm sorry," Sirius said and with that they went all through their houses with their black expo markers.

The next morning:

Voldemort was getting up from his much needed beauty sleep and he turned over to look at his clock that had his picture as the background.

"AGHHHHH!!!!! What happened to my beautiful picture! My FACE!" His screams could be heard everywhere and a trio of boys were snickering.

In the Malfoy manner:

"Oh no! What will the dark lord say? Dobby get to scrubbing those pictures, immediately." Lucius Malfoy commanded. There were mustaches and goatees on all of Voldemort's wonderful pictures. Voldemort soon appeared at the Malfoy manner.

"Where are those boys? They will pay for this," he said holding up his wand.

"Uh…sir…"

"What?" Voldemort snarled.

"Why are you holding a marker? Is this some new form of punishment that I haven't heard of," Lucius asked bowing.

"Grr! When I find those boys…"

**AN: Please Review! Thanks.  
**


	7. Chickens

AN: To answer Pink cookies and fairyfloss's questions, I know that they are sworn enemies of Voldemort and in the Order of the Phoenix but they wouldn't kill him because that would be using an unforgivable and annoying him to death isn't a crime. They are like followers in disguise in a way and yah I think I will do all 101. Thanks for all of the reviews okay on to the story.

6. When in meetings, start clucking like a chicken with the wings and everything.

"Okay, and Crab and Goyle will go here," Voldemort said as he pointed to the map, "and…"

"Ba-baack (**AN: I don't know how to spell a chicken noise)" **James said making his arms into chicken wings by putting them under his armpits.

"Cluck, cluck, cluck," Sirius said as he got up off of his chair, where an egg laid, and got up on the table making chicken wings out of his arms too.

"Get off of the table right now and stop making those noises!" Voldemort screamed as Sirius walked over the maps leaving chicken footprints all over the maps. Then Remus pulled out his wand from the shadows and flicked it at Voldemort's head. A chicken appeared on the top of Voldemort's head and began to make chicken noises. "Get this infernal thing off of my head this instant!"

Lucius Malfoy tried to get the chicken off of Voldemort's head by pulling at it but the chicken had securely on top of his head. Voldemort was fuming and much screaming could be heard from him as the chicken dug the claws in his feet into his head.

In the background, James and Sirius were still being like chickens. They were laying eggs on the maps and Remus would cast a spell to smash the egg and ruin the maps.

The death eaters were so confused with all that was going on they didn't know what to do and sat there dumbly.

Sirius and James ran over to Voldemort and shoved chicken feathers in his mouth and ran out of the room squawking all the out and dodging Voldemort's badly aimed spells.

**AN: Please review! Thanks!**


	8. Britney Spears Attack

Disclaimer: Song is Britney Spears' and characters are J.K. Rowling's.

_(Italics are lyrics _if you want to skip those.)

7. Sing Britney Spears at the top of their lungs during missions.

Voldemort, his followers, and the Marauders were walking quietly as they were going to creep up on their victim without his knowledge or so they thought.

"_Everytime they turn the lights down, just wanna go that extra mile for you public display of affection. Feel's like no one else in the room_," James singed at the top of his lungs.

"_We can get down like there's no one around. We keep on rockin_'" Sirius sang.

"_Cameras are flashing while we're dirty dancing. They keep watchin'. Keep watchin'. Feels like the crowd is saying,_" Remus sang.

"Shut up! You are going to blow are cover!" Voldemort loudly whispered **(AN: It's possible).**

"_Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more_," they all sang at the top of their lungs and a few cats died.

"Oh my ears! SHUT UP!" Voldemort screamed covering his ears.

"_The center of attention Even when they're up against the wall You got me in a crazy position If you're on a mission you got my permission_," James sang and this time he was dancing, terribly, to the music.

"_We can get down like there's no one around We keep on rockin', we keep on rockin', rockin'_" Remus sang and started to dance.

"_Cameras are flashin' while we're dirty dancin' They keep watchin', keep watchin' Feels like the crowd is sayin'_" Sirius sang and danced around too. Just before they were going to start the chorus Voldemort tried to silence them but it didn't work. Then the death eaters started to join in on the chorus.

"_Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more_," everyone sang as the person that they were trying to ambush was escaping but was not noticed by Voldemort as he was trying to get everyone to be quiet but yelling at them wasn't working. In all of the chaos, his wand has been turned into a boom box that was playing the music.

"GRRR! GAH!!! Those boys will pay!" Voldemort screamed into the sky with an evil (coughwimpycough) laugh following.

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	9. Ponies and Rainbows

**AN: Thank you James n Lily r in LOVE for reviewing all of my chapters!**

Smile non-stop and talk about ponies and rainbows.

"Oh Voldy-poo! Can I pretty please get the magically ponies that are all of the colors of the rainbow!" James asked smiling the entire time.

"Ponies are so pretty and colorful and happy and pretty and wonderful and…" Sirius began smiling the entire time too.

"Shut up about ponies! And stop smiling!" Voldemort screamed.

"Oh but look at this catalog, there is sunshine pony and flower pony and princess pony and-" Remus began while Sirius and James were smiling without blinking at Voldemort.

"STOP SMILING!" Voldemort screamed, "And I don't want to hear about ponies!"

"Do you know all of the colors in the rainbow?" James asked.

"I will make you see rainbows if you don't shut up!" Voldemort screamed. He was completely unnerved by the fact that they would not stop staring or stop smiling.

"There is rosy red, sunset orange, bubble blue, great green, perfect purple, sunshine yellow, and pretty pink!" Sirius said.

"Shut up!" Voldemort said raising his wand.

"How is throwing a pretty pony at us at all threatening?" Remus asked innocently.

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And with that the boys ran out of the room.

**AN: Gosh this was a hard chapter for me to write. It was girly and I have never been into the pony things so I was trying to make them sound like little girls that are into that stuff so please review thanks!**


	10. Wallpaper

9. Add character to his room by putting pink wallpaper up

"Do you have the glue?" James asked Remus as they snuck through the halls of Voldemort's manor.

"Yes, do you have the paper?" Remus asked.

"Yes, why didn't we assign Sirius to carry anything? This is really heavy!" James complained.

"Because he had to lay eggs in one of the last missions." Remus replied, "And he is the scout."

"Okay, come on guys the coast is clear," Sirius said as Remus and James came up to the door of Voldemort's room.

The next morning:

Voldemort was getting up and heading into his bathroom to get ready for the day. But then he walked back into his room and looked around. All around his room was all different colors of pink wallpaper that was put up badly on everything on his room. Even the floor had many different colors of pink on it. His jaw dropped to the floor.

"What…what…WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?" Voldemort screamed at the top of his lungs. He fell on his knees in despair as his wand had still not turned up and he would have to remove the wallpaper manually. "NO!"

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	11. Flowers and Posters

Redecorate the house with flowers and pictures of cute puppies and cats.

"Have you hanged up the posters yet?" James asked Sirius as he was placing vases of flowers on any available surface.

"Yah, I am almost done," Sirius struggled to say as he was holding the tape in his mouth and balancing on one foot to reach a far corner.

"Okay good, let's get out of here before he wakes up!" Remus said as he was on look out duty, which only made him more nervous then he already was. They finally finished and ran out as fast as they could.

The next morning:

"Oh, look everything is so pretty," Narcissa Malfoy said as she step out into the hallway and saw all of the flowers and pictures of puppy dogs and cats.

"This is vile and sickening," Lucius Malfoy said as he waved his wand to remove it all but nothing moved and in fact there seemed to be even more than there was before.

"Malfoy! Get rid of this mess IMMEDIATELY!" Voldemort screamed from his room. Just then the Marauders went into Voldemort's room.

"So I see that after your room makeover, you have finally decided to come out of the closet," James said looking around at the flowers and posters and pink wallpaper.

"It's okay, we always knew that you were," Sirius said shaking his head.

"At least you have Lucius to help you because we are pretty sure that he will come out of the closet too," Remus said.

"What? I am not…I do not…I don't swing that way," Voldemort sputtered.

"Sure, whatever you say," James said still examining the room.

"The first step to is to admit it," Sirius said trying to sound caring.

"It's the only way to get better," Remus said.

"But he can't get better," James whispered to Remus.

"What are you talking about!" Voldemort snarled.

"We always knew that you were a girl." They all said at the same time and then quickly dashed out the room dodging spells, while yelling to everyone they passed, "Voldy-poo is a girl!"

**AN: Please review thanks!**


	12. Barbie Girl

11. Play the Barbie Girl by Aqua song non-stop for a week.

Early in the morning of day 5 of Barbie week:

"- Hi Barbie! - Hi Ken! - You wanna go for a ride? - Sure, Ken! - Jump in! - Ha ha ha ha! I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world," a speaker played.

"Ugh NO! NOT AGAIN!" Voldemort mumbled in his sleep as he rolled over and put his pillow over his head to try to block out the song, "This is the fifth time this week!"

"Dark Lord, it's playing again," Lucius said going into Voldemort's room.

"Yes I can tell Malfoy. I am not deaf," Voldemort snarled being very grumpy because evil people are not morning people.

"Come on, Barbie, let's go party I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere Imagination, life is your creation I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky," the speaker kept playing.

"GET ME MY EAR PLUGS!" Voldemort screamed.

"Uh…Dark Lord…"

"WHAT!"

"Um…well you turned my wand into your ear plucks and since you already burned your wand…and you couldn't find anything else to turn into ear plucks and…well…yesterday when the music ended you threw the ear plucks into the fire because you thought it was over…"

"GRRR! Curse whoever sings this!"

**AN: Gosh I never realized how perverted that song is until now. This is what I get for being friends with guys, they make everything perverted! Anyway, please review. **


	13. Removing Doors

**AN: Thank you for all of the reviews!**

12. Remove the door from Voldemort's room

"Did you complete the mission," Voldemort asked one of his death eaters.

"Uh…well…no…" the death eater stuttered.

"Ugh, can no one do anything right. Must I do it all?" Voldemort screamed as he stormed out of the room and into his room, "And if anyone tries to bother me I will not hesitate to cause him or her extreme pain!" He yelled from his room and then closed his door but all his hand hit was air. He tried again and swung his hand through the air and there was only air. He kept doing this for quiet some time then the Marauders walked by.

"Uh…what are you doing?" James asked looking at him.

"Are you trying to kill some bug or…" Sirius asked.

"I thought you said you were going to your room so shouldn't you close your door," Remus asked.

"NO! I am not trying to kill a bug," Voldemort snarled, "I am trying to close my door."

"And failing I can tell," James said.

"You do realize that there is no door there right," Remus said.

"What are you talking about," Voldemort scoffed, "My door is right there I just keep missing it." His hand was still swing in the air.

"Uh…there is no door there," Sirius said pointing. Voldemort looked around and saw that they were right.

"You! You did this," Voldemort snarled, "This is the only way for my personal time!"

"I think Malfoy did it," James said.

"After all you are having an affair," Remus said.

"And he would your personal time to be together time," Sirius said and with that they got out of there as fast as possible to avoid long monologues of what he would do to them.

"You still have his wand right," James asked.

"Yep," Sirius said holding it up.

**AN: Thanks for reading. Please tell me if you want Voldemort to be gay or not cause I could totally do that but if not I could have him on the edge like not knowing or I could have him be a total girl. Please review! Thanks!**


	14. Exploding Ink

**AN: Hey, I just changed the reading to T because there is talk of gayness so that's the only reason. Thanks for all of the reviews!**

13. Color all of the maps and evil plans with pretty pictures in exploding ink.

"Now here is the map of England," Voldemort said as he pulled down the map still facing the death eaters and not looking at the map, "Now we need a safe house by these regions," Voldemort then pointed the map at a few places then he made a weird face and looked back at the map and to his horror there was a billion bunnies and hearts drawn (coughbadlycough) on the map in what looked like to be crayon.

"What happened?" He screamed and looked at his death eaters with a look that could kill. He quickly looked through all of the other maps and found drawings on all of them. "WHO DID THIS!"

The death eaters looked around shifting uncomfortably in their chairs under Voldemort's glare.

"Hey, look on that map," James said.

"It says, 'To: Voldy-poo From: Lucius-poo'," Sirius said.

"Aw! That's so sweet," Remus said.

"GRRR! Now, let me make one thing clear! I do not fancy Malfoy!" Voldemort screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No you love him," James whispered to Sirius. Then Voldemort turned around and cast a spell to remove the drawings but instead the maps blew up before he could do anything.

"MY MAPS!"

**AN: Please review! Thanks.**


	15. Exploding Hands

14. Write on Voldemort's hand and forget that they were using exploding ink.

"Oh look Voldy-poo is asleep," James said as he, Sirius, and Remus were walking by and looked in the doorway.

"Hey, we should draw on his hand!" Sirius suggested.

"Okay, here I have some quills and ink that we can use," Remus said pulling out quills and ink.

They quietly snuck into Voldemort's room and somersaulted over to his bed. They pulled out their quills and dipped them in ink and started to draw flowers and hearts and butterflies on his hands. Then they cast a spell to make the ink dry and as soon as it dried…

BOOM!

"AGH!" Voldemort shot up in his bed and screamed, as his hands were bloody. Quickly, James, Sirius, and Remus somersaulted out of his room.

"Uh…was that exploding ink," James asked.

"I think so," Remus nodded fearfully.

"Nice going Remus! And now he will have heart scares on his hands!" Sirius said.

The next morning:

"Now if you will direct your attention to this part of the map," Voldemort said pointing the map with his heart, butterfly, and flower scared hand.

"Uh…sir…what's with your hand," Lucius said, "You don't like flowers or hearts."

Voldemort just growled at Lucius and it was surprising Lucius didn't die with all of the malice in Voldemort' s eyes.

"Oh I get it you got bored," James started.

"And decided to draw on yourself," Sirius continued.

"And you are becoming more comfortable with being public about…"Remus said.

"Don't you dare say anything because I am not!" Voldemort interrupted and threw a quill at Remus.

"You know it's okay, Lucius loses his manliness everyday, and you don't see him denying it," James said grinning.

"GRRR!"

**AN: Yah, this one was kind of lame. I couldn't think of a good reaction. Please review. Thanks!**


	16. Swamps

**AN: Hey sorry I didn't update last weekend my computer crashed but I will update a lot this weekend to make up for it! Thanks!**

15. "Accidentally" leave an irremovable swamp in Voldemort's room.

"Oh! James look at this spell that I found!" Sirius said as he ran over to James with a book in his hand.

"You found this spell…in a book?" James asked.

"No he didn't. He took the book from me," Remus said as he ran into the room and tried to grab the book back from Sirius, " Hey! Give it back!"

"Finders keepers!"

"Sirius just let me see the spell," James said and Sirius handed over the book and pointed to the spell under _Spells not to Use, "_This sounds good!"

"Great, now give me my book back!" Remus said and snatched it out of James hands and made it disappear, "We will do this now and make it look like an accident."

In the Meeting:

"I have found a new spell that we can use to torture people," Voldemort said, "You there shall be the first to try it out," he pointed to James, "think _pero odia_."

'Okay think _pedo dia_,' James thought to himself but nothing happened.

"Are you sure that you got the right spell," Sirius asked Voldemort.

"Fine say it out loud," Voldemort said.

"Okay, _pedo dia_," James said and flicked his wand.

"It's not pedo dia! It's pero odia!" Voldemort screamed and stomped off to his room. But as soon as he stomped into his room his feet started to sink into the floor of his room and to his horror he was no longer in his room but in swamp. He was already up to his knees in the swamp mud and was sinking fast.

"Malfoy!" Voldemort screamed but Malfoy thought that he wanted him to be quiet because he was talking and immediately was silent unknown to Voldemort's problem.

Then Voldemort felt something swimming around and touched his legs. He was now up to his waist in swamp and without his wand, which was still gone, he would no be able to get out. Voldemort screamed for help.

"Did you hear something, Remus," James asked.

"No I didn't," Remus said.

"Oh well." James said and returned to play chess with Sirius.

**AN: Please Review. Thanks!**


	17. Chocolate Love

16. Give Voldemort a present of chocolates filled with a love potion to make him fall in love with Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Oh, look a box of chocolates," Voldemort said as he opened his door and saw them on the floor, "One or two wouldn't hurt." He picked them up and brought them into his room and began to eat the chocolates.

"This is going to be so great!" Sirius said due to his long hate of his cousin.

"I know, did you bring the camera? This is definitely something I want to remember!" James said and Remus handed him the camera.

"Okay now shush because he is going to be leaving to find Lestrange." Remus whispered. They all ran and hid in the cupboard by the couch that Lestrange was sitting on.

"Oh, Bellatrix, my love, the finish to my duet," he sang and handed her a vase of flowers.

"What? Hey get off of me!" She screamed as he sat next to her and held her hands and tried to kiss her.

"You know that you want me. Now we can share our true love's kiss," Voldemort said and then puckered up.

"Yeah, sure." Lestrange said and then reached behind her and grabbed the vase of flowers from Voldemort and poured the water on his face and his him with the vase and then ran out of the room and left an unconscious Voldemort.

"That was perfect!" Sirius said.

"Did you get it on tape?" James asked.

"Yes, now lets go show everyone it." Remus replied and the three of them snuck of the cupboard and went to go show the Death Eaters.

Voldemort was slowly waking up with no recollection of why he was asleep in the lounge. He got up and looked at the clock and ran to Death Eater meeting as he was late. When he got there everyone started to make kissy faces at him. They were pointing to a moving picture on the wall. To his horror he saw was he trying to kiss Lestrange and declaring his love for her.

Voldemort turned a bright red that would have made the Weasleys proud. Then he ran to his room as fast as he could. He was complete mortified but he didn't realize that he ran into Lestrange's room and was soon in for a beating from an angry woman.

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	18. Strip Poker

17. Play strip poker in Voldemort's room with the rest of the Death Eaters and not tell him.

"Okay, I won this round so everyone else has to take off his or her shirts." Sirius said as he displayed his winning cards. Everyone groaned and removed their shirts. This was the first big article of clothing that anyone had to remove; socks and shoes were the first to go. **(AN: I don't know how strip poker is played but we are just going to say that this is right. So please don't yell at me if this is completely wrong).**

"Okay start dealing!" Malfoy growled, he did not like that Sirius kept winning. A few more rounds went by and everyone had to remove their cloaks, pants and undershirts. Everyone except Sirius, who only had to take off his pants, was in their underwear.

Just then Voldemort came barging into his room after a hard night of planning all he wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up till noon. But to his horror there were a bunch of half dressed Death Eaters sitting on his bed holding cards.

"What is this!" Voldemort screamed looking at all of the Death Eaters in strips of clothing.

"This is strip poker," James answered.

"Uh, didn't we tell you?" Sirius said.

"You said we could play," Remus said meekly.

"I said you could but not on my BED!" Voldemort screamed and looked at all of them.

"Hey! Don't you dare look at me like that!" Lestrange screamed, "My eyes are up here!"

"What I wasn't…" Voldemort stuttered.

"Oh don't even get me started." She screamed and threw a book at his head and stormed out of the room making sure to punch him on the way out.

"Okay everyone get out and if I have to see any of your in strips of clothing again I will lock you up in the dungeon!" Voldemort screamed and pointed to the way out.

"I didn't know that you felt that way," James said suggestively.

"We will make sure that you have your way…" Sirius said and they ran out of the room.

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	19. Valentine

18. For Valentines Day give Voldemort a love note from Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh, Dark weirdo! You have mail," James said as he knocked loudly on Voldemort's door.

"Eh, give it here and leave me alone!" Voldemort screamed and opened the door and grabbed the note and tried to shut the door by James' foot was in the way. "Let me close the door!"

"Sorry, can't. Orders from the sender." James said and Sirius and Remus joined him.

"Open it dude!" Sirius said.

"Oh, fine." He said and began to read the letter out loud, "Rose are red, Violets are blue, I love you with no dread, Voldy-poo you are the best. Will you be my Valentine? Love Lucy-poo AKA: Lucius."

"Oh we knew it all along," Sirius said.

"That is so cute," Remus, said then James cleared his throat, "Oh yeah, what's your response?"

"My response? I am not in love with him!" Voldemort screamed.

"That's what he thought that you might say but he told me to give you this tape of your last make out session to remind you," James said and gave him the tape and they ran off.

"What? Ugh I better just see what this is," Voldemort said and then played the tape.

"We knew that you would swing this way. We also knew that you couldn't wait to see your make out session but sadly we couldn't get that on tape. So we just wanted to say. Happy Valentines Day from Lucy-poo!" The tape played and then it stopped. It didn't show their faces but Voldemort knew who was talking. But what he didn't know is that everyone else had just seen that.

"Um…sir…don't you think you should have told Lucius that you felt this way before he had to find out like this," Zabini said poking his head into Voldemort's room. Voldemort just glared at him and chucked a book at his head.

**AN: Please review. Thanks. **


	20. Hairbrush

19. Wake up Voldemort at 4 in the morning just to tell him "Good Morning!"

The Marauders were sneaking down that hall on their tiptoes. They were very close to their destination. When they reached Voldemort's room they slowly opened the door to make sure that it didn't creak. Then they slowly crept in and tiptoed over to his bed. Sirius and James on either side of the bed and Remus and the foot of the bed.

James counted down from ten with his hands to give the "okay". When he reached one, they all jumped on Voldemort's bed and screamed at the top of their lungs.

"GOOD MORNING! VOLDY-POO!" They all said at once.

"AHHHHHH!" Voldemort screamed and grabbed for the closest thing by him ready to fight off the attackers.

"Uh…what are you doing with a hairbrush," James asked as Voldemort held a hairbrush in front of him.

"Why do you even have a hairbrush? It's not like you have any hair," Remus said.

"Oh is it for you to comb Lucius' hair?" Sirius said smirking.

"What…oh don't even start," Voldemort snarled, "Get out of my room! It's four in the morning!"

"Sorry, we didn't mean to intrude on you social life," James said.

"Hope you two had fun," Sirius said with a wink and with that they made a mad dash out the door avoiding the hairbrush chucked at them.

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	21. Bull Snake Elephant

20. While trying to perform the dark mark, turn everyone into circus animals.

"Okay, now that this location is ours and ours alone, we need to perform the dark mark," Voldemort said, "You three shall perform it." **(AN: I think that only one wizard is needed to perform it but we are just going to say it takes three for the story)**.

"Isn't have the dark mark over this building like a dead give away for the ministry that the Dark Lord has been here or is here," Remus asked.

"Just perform it," Voldemort snarled.

"Okay," James said. The Marauders circled up and repeated some gibberish spell that sounded like they were talking about monkeys.

"I think we might have finally got it," Sirius said smiling triumphantly.

"Uh…" Remus started.

James gave Sirius a high five and said, " Yes I think that we finally did!"

Uh…guys look around," Remus screamed and they did and to their horror they saw that there was no longer death eaters surrounded them but a bunch of animals.

"Oh my gosh, we need to learn what we said!" James said.

"This is the awesomest spell in the world!" Sirius replied with glee jumping up and down.

"Is that all you can think about," Remus asked.

"Think of how much money we can make with them," Sirius said looking around in awe.

"Oh joy, we just call it the dark circus staring Voldemort as the elephant with snake scales,' Remus replied sarcastically.

"Great idea, Remus," Sirius said and took a picture of Voldemort.

"Come on Remus, lighten up, you know he is just kidding," James said, "We wouldn't call it a 'dark' circus and we wouldn't say that the elephant is Voldy-poo. No one would go to the circus."

At this remark the said elephant came charging at them clearly crazy mad. The elephant was huge and the ground literally shook and shook even more when Sirius pulled out a red piece of fabric and waved it.

"I guess snake elephant is out of question," James said, "It will have to be bull snake elephant."

"Ugh, let's just turn them back, okay," Remus said and mutter a counter curse.

**AN: Please review. There is almost 100 reviews. Thanks!**


	22. Snake Make Overs

21. Give his pet snake a make over and then offer to do Voldemort next.

"Okay almost done," Sirius said.

"I think we need more blush," James said surveying the work.

"Blush coming up," Remus said and handed the blush to Sirius.

"Lipstick!" Sirius said and the lipstick was handed to him, "Wand!" Sirius then shouted, "Stupify," again to keep their patient unconscious.

"I think that we are done," Remus said.

"Yep a master piece," James said, "Nice job, Sirius. Who knew that you dating all of those girls would come in handy one day," James added and took out a camera and snapped a pictured.

Just then Voldemort walked into the room and saw to his horror his snake unconscious on the floor covered in what looked like powder and paint.

"What have you done," Voldemort squealed.

"We thought that we would help your snake look better," James said.

"To get those guy snakes really looking at her," Sirius said obviously proud of his work.

"We could do you to if you are worried that you won't meet her standards now," Remus said.

"Oh wait I forgot, you only want help with the guy snakes." James said.

"Clean up my snake or die," Voldemort threatened.

"What are you talking about we did," James said.

"Take off all of the stuff on her face," Voldemort clarified.

"Can we please give you a make over," Sirius begged.

"No!"

"We know it would help you with Lucius," Sirius persisted.

"GRR!"

"RUN!"

**AN: Please review. Thanks! **


	23. Make overs and felines

**AN: Hello. I am so sorry that I haven't updated in like more than a month but I was busy with school finals and then I stayed with my grandparents (who don't have internet connection) so I couldn't post anything and I've just been super busy but I promise I will update a bunch this month.**

22. Give Voldemort a make over while he is sleeping then blame it on the cat.

"I got the feline!" James said tiptoeing into Voldemort's room.

"Wonderful," Remus whispered, "Sirius is almost done. Then I will perform the spell."

"Just a little gloss," Sirius whispered, "And Voldy-poo is done. And if I say so myself that is one of the best make overs that I have ever done and Voldy-poo still looks awful."

"_Voslco Minsi_," Remus whispered and waved his wand.

_The next morning: _

Voldemort was walking to the meeting room thinking that this was going to be a great day because nothing bad had happened to him this morning. He was sure that something would happen like someone giving him a make over with the whole thing with his snake. But luckily nothing like that had happened.

"Uh…Dark Lord," James said, "Are you trying to tell us something?"

"Get out of my way," Voldemort snarled as James had blocked him in the hallway.

"Are you sure you want to go in there?" James said still blocking him, "I don't know how some of the guys will take it."

"Just move or I will kill you," Voldemort snapped.

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Sirius said strolling in, "We better get out of his. If he wants everyone to know then it is his right to do so."

"Yup, I can't believe that Betty, the feline, was right," Remus said as he pulled the other two into the meeting room.

As soon as Voldemort walked into the room there were collective gasps and pen droppings and jaws falling to the floor.

"We all have this current discovery due to our feline friend, Betty," James said petting the cat.

"Now I think it is truly inspiring how Voldy-poo finally came out of the closet." Sirius said.

"Let's give it up for Voldy-poo. Now we know why he was always gay," Remus said clapping, "Voldy was really a girl."

"WHAT?!" Voldemort screamed/snarled, "I am not a girl!" Then he rushed over to the mirror, "You did this."

"No, Betty, the feline, thought that you needed a make over because you were the ugliest girl that she had every seen," James correct.

"Gosh, Betty, you really messed this up. This is so awkward. Voldy is really a guy. He just is in touch with his feminine side a little too much and likes rainbows." Sirius said stroking the cat.

"Here you can take your anger out on the cat," Remus said pushing Betty, the tiger, over Voldemort.

"Hehe…nice kitty…"

**AN: Please tell me how this went. I'm a little rusty since I haven't been able to update. I promise I will update soon. Please review. Thanks!**


	24. HOLY WATER!

**AN: Hey. Here is another chapter. **

23. Clean the house with holy water so everything is pure

"You know we should sing a song while we clean," Sirius said and began to hum.

"No we shouldn't for the sake of everyone's ears," Remus said covering his ears.

"Come on guys, let's just finish cleaning so we don't get in trouble," James said, "Though, I doubt that Voldy-poo could do anything."

"Really, you don't think that I couldn't do anything," Voldemort walked into the room and snarled.

"No because this is now a holy room." Remus said.

"What do you mean? This is the planning room." Voldemort sneered.

"Well, now it is the holy room," James said, "You told us to cleanse the room."

"I said clean the room," Voldemort growled.

"Well we aren't very good listeners," Sirius said putting down his bucket of water, "So we washed the room with holy water."

"HOLY WATER!"Voldemort screamed.

"You know that doesn't make much sense. Most people say 'holy cow' instead of 'holy water' when they are amazed about something," Remus informed.

"I wonder what would happen if we poured the holy water on Voldy-poo," Sirius whispered to James.

"You should so do it," James encouraged and he and Sirius hit their fist together.

"Hey Voldy-poo! Heads up," Sirius yelled and poured the water on Voldemort, "Did I mention that that is holy water?"

"AHHH! It burns," Voldemort shrieked, "I will get you for this!" He then reached for his new wand only to find that it was disintegrating from the holy water. Then he screamed at the top of his lungs and turned around to strangle the boys to find that they were already gone.

**AN: I think the concept of holy water is so weird. Cause it's just water blessed by the priest. I wonder if it still be called holy water if a priest blessed really dirty, gross water. Hmm... Well anyways please review. Thanks! **


	25. Ugh Perfume

**AN: Please read and review. **

24. Get rid of the bad smells by sparing perfume everywhere

"Okay, I got the _Flower and Fairy Dust Sprinkle_," Remus said holding the bottle away from himself. **(AN: I don't know any of the names of perfumes so I'm making them up.)**

"I don't get why any girl would wear this stuff. It smells worse than a dieing cat," Sirius said smelling the bottle, "Okay, this is _Strawberry Passion with Mint_. Who on earth mixed strawberry with mint. It's like have a strawberry gum scent on."

"While your input in the world of smells is so interesting we need to get on with the plan, Captain Rainbow," James said, "I have the _Orange Jalapeno_ perfume."

"I am not gay," Sirius said, "I just know what smells good on a girl."

"Yeah, sure. Okay now lets rid the smell of the death and replace it with this stuff," James said, "Okay nose plugs." Remus handed Sirius and James the nose plugs and once their nose plugs where in the began the spraying process.

"Ugh the smell," Sirius gagged when he took out his nose plugs.

"Then why did you take out your nose plugs," James asked sounded nasalized.

"I don't know," Sirius gasped/whined and then quickly put his nose plugs back in.

"Okay, when Voldy-poo walks into the room we each spray him then throw the bottles out the window so he won't know that is was us," Remus said.

Just then Voldemort walked into the room and the boys each sprayed him and threw the bottles out of the window in one swift motion.

"Ugh, what is that smell," Voldemort gasped and covered his nose.

"You," Sirius said, "Or yo' mamma."

"What did you just say," Voldemort snarled.

"Well considering it is your perfume that has made the entire estate smell awful, even worse then death," Remus said, "it must be you or your mother if you are still going with the whole like 'I'm not a girl or gay' facade."

"What?!"

"Well, go around the house and smell yourself then the house and you will see what we mean," James said.

"Oh, what is that repulsive smell," a death eater said.

"Voldy-poo he is getting in touch with his feminine side and he wants to make sure that this is a good smell for his hot date tonight," Sirius said.

"Who?"

"Lucius Malfoy." James replied.

"Well...I ugh... think that you smell great Dark Lord. Please pay no heed to what I said before. I meant...awesome smell."He said and ran out of the room. Then Voldemort started to smell himself again and the boys heard a thud.

"I can't believe that he fainted,"Remus said.

"I knew that smell was a knock out gas," Sirius said triumphantly.

"Hey, Sirius, you should take out your nose plugs and smell the air to make sure that it really works," Remus suggested.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to get that wrong." Sirius said and took out his nose plugs and smelled the air.

"You really shouldn't have told him to do that," James said after Sirius fainted on top of Voldemort.

"Well this way when Voldy-poo wakes up the first thing that he will smell is Sirius and pass out again," Remus said, at which James gave him a pointed look, "Hello! Have you recently smelled Sirius."

"Alright point taken," James said and they walked out and over all of the passed out death eaters, "Wanna draw on their faces with lipstick."

**AN: Please review. I only got one review on the last chapter. **


	26. Baby Snake

25. Put Voldemort's snake in a carriage with a baby bonnet and push it around the house

"Oh here is Nagini," James said.

"Oh this is going to be good," Sirius said picking up the snake and Remus stupefied it.

"Here is the bonnet," James said giving Sirius the baby bonnet. Sirius tied the bonnet on the snake and shoved it into the baby carriage.

"Wee!" Sirius said as he pushed around the snake. Remus and James running after him.

"Wait," Remus said gasping for breath, "You forgot the pacifier." Remus had finally caught up to Sirius and shoved the pacifier in the snake's mouth.

"_Goga-gabo_," James said casting the spell on the snake making it act like a baby.

"Now you may continue pushing the carriage," Remus said and Sirius took off really fast, paying no attention to all of the books and other items on the floor that he ran over. Unfortunately for Sirius one of those items happened to be Voldemort's foot.

"OW!" Voldemort screamed, "What the bloody hell do you think you are doing!?"

"Pushing around Nagini in a carriage. You like that don' t you Nagini, don't you," Sirius said in a baby voice directed at the snake.

"Stop talking like that you imbecile," Voldemort snarled then walked away. Then he stopped and ran back into the room just as Sirius started to push the carriage again and ran over Voldemort's foot...again.

"OW! What did you do to poor Nagini," Voldemort screamed hold his foot as the snake started to coo say baby words like "goo" and "gaga" but it was slightly muffled by the pacifier.

"Well we..." Sirius began but then Nagini swallowed the pacifier, "Spit that out this instance!" But the snake did not follow Sirius' demand.

"What did you do," Voldemort snarled glaring at Sirius.

"I turned Nagini into a baby," Sirius said as if he was talking about the weather.

"As in that filth that only eats, poops, and cries," Voldemort said disgusted with the very thought.

"Yup, and by the smell of things, she needs a diaper change," Sirius then picked the snake up and handed her to Voldemort and started to walk off, "Well, she is all yours. See ya!" Then he ran off.

"You get back here," Voldemort yelled holding the snake as far away from him as possible.

"Dada..."

**AN: Please review. Thanks!**


	27. Laughter Mocking

26. Mock Voldemort when he evilly laughs

"And then with them on our side we shall win the war and all others will bow down to us as our slaves," Voldemort said. They were in the planning room listening to Voldemort's next 'evil' plan. Then Voldemort started to laugh evilly. It was a low laugh that didn't last that long.

Then James cleared his throat and started to laugh evilly as well. His laugh was a girly laugh but sounded more like a giggling girl.

"What on earth was that," Voldemort said glaring at James.

"Oh that was your laugh," James replied.

"Uh, no that wasn't," Sirius said.

"Thank you," Voldemort said.

"It sounds more like this," Sirius said and started to laugh like a high pitched little girl.

"I do not sound like that," Voldemort growled.

"You're right. You sound more like this," Remus said and started to laugh. His laugh started out very low then in the middle of it his voice cracked and then he sounded like a little girl again.

"My voice does not crack," Voldemort yelled his face turning red with rage.

"Uh, yeah it does," Remus said.

"Have you ever heard yourself laugh," Sirius asked.

"Cause if you did, you might understand why many people have asked you not to," James said.

"My laugh is perfect," Voldemort scoffed.

"Really because when you laugh, people ask us if you are a girl or if you are still going through puberty," James said.

"And it is so hard to explain to them that you are a billion year old dude and have to reach that maturity and that you are secretly a girl," Sirius said.

"And how would all of these people ask about my laugh, only my followers have heard it and I don't see why they would come to you about it," Voldemort asked.

"Ha, you didn't deny that you were a girl!" James said to which Voldemort just glared at him with daggers in his eyes.

"Oh don't worry, we got you covered Voldy-poo. Everyone knows your laugh we broadcast it at Hogwarts over the loud speaker all the time," Sirius said smiling.

"You did what!?" Voldemort screamed.

"Wow, this is just one of your dumb days isn't it. We played your laugh for everyone in Hogwarts," Remus said.

"And since everyone agrees your voice is way out of whack, we signed you up for speech lessons," Sirius said.

"They begin tomorrow at four in the morning. Your welcome," James said.

"I do not need speech lessons," Voldemort screamed, with his voice cracking.

"Really," Sirius said and the boys ran away.

"NO!" Voldemort squeaked.

**AN: Yeah I'm like a forth done now! Please review! Thanks!**


	28. Squeaking

**AN: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in like forever. School started along with sports and I was so busy and barely had anytime to do anything but I'm less busy now and I will update more! I promise! Okay here is the next chapter. Please read and review! Oh and chapter 26 is still the same I just changed the name. **

26. Charm Voldemort's voice so it's really squeaky when he laughs evilly and talks

"Does everyone have their ear plugs?" James asked Sirius and Remus.

"Of course, I don't plan to loose my hearing. I couldn't do that to the ladies," Sirius said.

"Sure," Remus said, "and yes I have mine."

"Good. Okay we better get to the meeting," James said.

"You know by doing this we are also bugging all of the death eaters because they don't have ear plugs," Sirius said grinning.

"Just figured that out, huh?" Remus said.

"Oh come on let's get in there," James said pushing open the door, and they all walked in and sat down.

"Now today we will target this swamp and take it over and kill anyone that get's in our way," Voldemort squeaked, "Got that!?"

James, Sirius, and Remus were all trying not to laugh and all of the death eaters were trying to cover their ears without being noticed.

"Whahahaha!" Voldemort laughed, "Wait! What is wrong with my voice? Oh dear!" He closed his mouth and opened it again to only squeak, "NO!" He then kept trying to clear his throat but he still squeaked every time. "You boys," he said pointing at the Marauders , "You did this." He then ended this declaration with a loud squeak.

"Yeah, sure." Sirius said.

"We both know that this is clearly the work of nargles," James said.

"No I know you did this," Voldemort squeaked.

"Or it could be that you are so sick of hearing yourself talk that you lost you voice," Remus said.

To this Voldemort tried to scream but all that came out was a very high pitched, "AHH(cough)AHH(cough)," that left everyone's ears ringing, "You will pay for this!"

"I would like to see you proof," James said.

"Well, I most certainly don't need any proof to do this," Voldemort squeaked and then threw his shoes at the boys as they ran out of the room.

**AN: Please review and I promise to update soon. Thanks**


	29. Voldypoo, Voldessa, Hippo

28. Call him Voldy or Voldessa

"What's up Voldy-poo," James asked walking by.

"Oh nothing much, just planning death," Voldemort replied not looking up from his paper and James walked out of the room.

"Looking good, Voldessa," Sirius said winking at Voldemort then walking out of the room.

"Thanks," Voldemort said still looking at his paper.

"How's it going Voldy," Remus said walking out of the room.

"Good, thank you for asking," Voldemort said still looking at his paper.

A moment past...

"Wait a second! Get back in here you twerps," Voldemort yelled.

The boys ran back in and James said, "What?"

"What is my name," Voldemort asked.

"Voldy-poo?"

"Wrong!"

"Voldessa?"

"Incorrect, again!"

"Voldy?"

"No! My name is..." Voldemort started.

"Oh, I know Hippo!" Sirius said grinning in triumph.

To this Voldemort just sighed and snarled, "No, my name is Voldemort, but to you it should be master."

"Master of what?" Remus asked.

"Master of gayness," James muttered under his breath.

"GAH! No, master of evil and darkness." Voldemort screamed.

"Right you are Hippo, you are the master of weevils and marksmen," Sirius said.

"Master of evil and darkness," Voldemort growled out.

"Okay, whatever you say, Voldessa," James said patting him on the back, leaving the room.

"Bye, Voldy-poo," Remus said dodging the flying pencils.

"Bye, Hippo," Sirius said avoiding the chair that was thrown his way, "Oh and by the way you really need to work on your aim; toddlers have better aim than you." And with that the two boys ran from the room.

"GRR!" Voldemort screamed while ripping his plans apart, "Oh shit."

**AN: Please review! I am not getting any and that worries me. Thanks! **


	30. Snow White

**AN: I am so terribly sorry for not updating in such a long time. School has kept me really busy but that's over now and I will try to update often. Thank you to all of the readers from before that are still reading this! I hope that they are still as funny as before. **

29. Dress up like him for Halloween in a horrible impression of him

"I love this mask, it really looks like Voldy-poo!" James exclaimed.

"I know that muggle costume store is fantastic!" Sirius yelled.

"Okay let's get dressed or we might miss Halloween," Remus said.

"That would be terrible," James said.

"How would we ever live without...Halloween...candy!" whined Sirius as he got into his "Voldemort" costume.

Halloween Night:

Ding Dong

Voldemort ran to open the door thinking that his candy had arrived.

"Trick or treat!"

"Smell my feet!"

"Give me something good to eat!" The Marauders chorused to Voldemort.

"What is going on here? Who on earth are you?" He screamed.

"We are you of course," James replied dressed a barbie.

"Can't you see the resemblance," Sirius said turning around in his Britney Spears costume.

"We look just like you," Remus said smiling in his Michael Jackson costume.

"I don't look like any of those! I am not a girl or whatever you are," he screamed looking at Remus.

"I thought we were over this denial phase," James said.

"This is what you look like correct?" Sirius said.

"All of the death eaters seem to think so." Remus said.

"What?"

"Now give us our candy or we will have to give you a trick!" Sirius yelled.

"It doesn't work like that! You aren't getting any candy! The only thing that you are getting is a trick!" Voldemort sneered.

"Fine you forced this on yourself." James tsked.

"Next year you really should wear a Halloween costume. _Seiarje!_" Remus yelled. Suddenly Voldemort was dressed in Snow White costume with the wig and girly voice and a changing personality.

"Why you little..." Voldemort screamed in a high pitched voice as they ran away, "sweet forest animals!" Unfortunately the only thing he could find to throw at them was candy as his wand was still missing. "Here have some candy! No! You pesky little...wonderful birds! Gah!"

"Yeah! Candy!" Sirius yelled in delight.

**AN: Please review! Thank you!**


	31. Face Cream

30. Ask him why he always dresses up for Halloween everyday when it's once a year

"Oh quick here he comes. Just act natural!" James whispered to the Marauders.

"Hey, the sky is blue right?" Sirius asked.

"Of course. It hasn't changed!" Remus replied!

"Hello, Dark Lord," James said.

"Hello," Voldemort nodded his head towards them.

"Uh...you do know that Halloween was like a month ago?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, it's just that you are still dressed up for Halloween." Sirius said.

"No I am not!"

"Uh...yeah you are. You still have greenish skin, red eyes, and a really ugly snake-like face." James said.

"Did you just say that I have an ugly face?"

"Yeah didn't you just dress up like for Halloween?" Sirius asked.

"I mean it's great an all but don't you think that its just getting a little old?" Remus asked.

"My face is not getting old! And I am not ugly or snake-like!" Voldemort yelled.

"Have you looked in the mirror recently?" James asked.

"He can't. All of the mirrors break whenever he looks in them," Remus whispered to James.

"So why do you dress up for Halloween everyday, Voldy-poo?" Sirius asked.

"You blabbering buffoon! I have never dressed up for Halloween this is how I normally look!" Voldemort screamed and snapped at them.

"It's okay to admit it," James said.

"We will accept you," Sirius said.

"We even got you some face cream to help recover your face," Remus said handing Voldemort the cream.

"I do not need to admit anything! And my face is just fine! Now get out of here before I hex off your...noses!" Voldemort yelled turning bright red.

"Okay but here is a brochure of a company that specializes in getting Halloween make-up off people's faces and plastic surgery. You might want to look into it," James said. Then they took off as Voldemort chucked the huge container of face cream at them.

"THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE!"

**AN: Please review! Thanks!**


	32. Candy

31. Then dress him up as a princess and go trick or treating

At some random person's house:

"Now just come along this way to the front door," James said leading Voldemort to the door.

"And we will ring the door bell," Sirius said.

"And just let us do all of the talking." Remus said.

"Okay. But why did I have to dress in a pink puffy dress with these high heels and a high pitched voiced? Aren't we just going to talk to a person with information on Harry Potter?" Voldemort squeaked wobbling in his shoes as they walked to the door.

"It's just protocol. This guy is very specific in blending in with the public," James said.

"Now just be quiet!" Sirius said and Remus pressed in the doorbell.

Ding Dong

A 7 foot tall man with tattoos and spiky jewelry answered the door.

"What do you punks want?" He yelled.

"Trick or treat!" The Marauders chorused while Voldemort gulped noticeably.

"Oh of course. You are such a pretty princess!" The man said and grabbed the bowl of candy.

"What on earth do you mean? I am not a pretty princess," Voldemort sneered.

"Yes you are. You have a pretty pink dress with a bow and glass slippers," the man gushed.

"I am the Lord of all evil!" Voldemort cried out.

"No you're just a sweet little girl dressed as a princess for Halloween," the man argued.

"Gah! Just tell me the information and I might spare your life!" Voldemort squealed.

"Uh...the candy is really bad for you and your teeth so you shouldn't eat too much candy?"

"Give me the information on Harry Potter or die!"

"Dude! I don't know who Harry Potter is," the man said, "Now either you leave my property now with your candy or I will release Daisy!"

"Daisy? You think I'm afraid of something named Daisy, you pig headed fool," Voldemort sneered.

"That's it! Get them Daisy!" The man yelled and let go of his pitbull's collar.

"AHH!" Voldemort screamed/squealed, "No bad dogie! Down dogie!" Then after losing his shoes and half of his dress to the dog he finally managed to escape only to be attacked by children throwing bad candy at him. "NO!"

**AN: Please review! Thanks!**


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